I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
