I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
