You were right. It hurts to walk today.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
