THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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