She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
