Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he quoted the bible to break up with me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
