I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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