Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
