How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
be right there i have to get my cape
pray to the hookup gods
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
