im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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