how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
