Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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