I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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