Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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