one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize