so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
