I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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