So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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