did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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