You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
