I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
