ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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