If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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