well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
