and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
