I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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