Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
