Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize