I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets