I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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