i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
