:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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