THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
