I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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