Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
