Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
