And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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