so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
