Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
