i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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