I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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