He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
