New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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