Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
