I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
