Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
soo... how was my night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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