you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
