You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to get me chipped asap
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize