dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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