non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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