Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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