i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
