Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
