dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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