If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
