I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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