4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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