She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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