its not stalking. its research.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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