her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
