you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
