Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
