She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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