Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
