I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
