At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
