Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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