Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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