I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
