you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
